Wednesday 17 April 2013

Tug of war

Things haven't been great lately. Well, things haven't been great for me this whole academic year. I feel like i'm in a tug of war. On the one end there's my grades and education but on the other end is my health and happiness. My head of year always tells me to put my health and happiness first before anything but I know she wants me to stay in education and get the grades I deserve - I want that too. I want to do well with my A-levels and I want to succeed but i feel like my future is just a blur. I'm at a point in life where I don't know what I want to do with my life and whether i've chosen the right A-level courses. 

To top it off, today has just been an awful day for me. I had to retake my History mock exam and whilst taking the exam I started hallucinating. I'm not going to go in depth about the hallucinations as that will be talked about in a different blog post. But when I started hallucinating i was terrified and I spoke about it with the year co-ordinator as she was present when the hallucination took place. To my surprise, she was really empathetic and caring which was shocking as she's not someone who comes across as caring. Anyways, she told me that she was concerned about my health and so she decided that it would be best for her to withdraw me from the exams and allow me to retake Year 12. It was a lot to process but after a hard, long think about it I thought i've got nothing to lose and maybe restarting the year would be a good thing. At least the time between now and september will give me the chance to think about the appropriate courses that I could choose and possible career options. Although today was awful, it ended on a positive note. 

I feel like everything is balanced because now I can focus on getting better and then start Year 12 again. I understand that recovery isn't straightforward as there will probably be bumps on this journey. I don't expect to be cured by september but what I do want is to be able to manage stressful situations better than i already do. 

I also thought i'd take this opportunity to thank my friend Karen for supporting me with the decision to restart Year 12. Love you. 

Thank you all for reading this post and I hope we can all embark on the journey of recovery. 

No comments:

Post a Comment