Not getting discharged

So these last few days have been eventful. I don't even know where to begin. 

I sent an email to the psychotherapist requesting her to discharge me from CAMHS, and so she tried to get in contact with me regarding that, however i dodged her calls. So afterwards she emailed me and expressed how sorry she was about how i was feeling and that it might be helpful if we could about it. Feeling livid, i emailed her back and the content of the email wasn't very pleasant. It included a lot of swear words, discontent and fury. It was made clear that i wasn't going to return to the clinic.

Just after i sent the email, i began to experience verbal hallucinations which then tipped me over the edge and caused me to hang myself in an abandoned place. I was so close to dying but i was found and urged to go A&E - that didn't happen. I was still experiencing hallucinations and as soon as i got home, i started experiencing visual hallucinations which led to me feeling even more distressed. I was scared and sought help from the urgent out of hours advice line. Surprisingly, they weren't helpful which was disappointing because my first experience with them was really positive. 

After having the weekend to calm down, the psychotherapist got in contact with me and finally i agreed to see her on the day. The session didn't go so well as she told me she wasn't going to discharge me from the service, after i made it clear that i wasn't going to attend any more of her sessions. I guess the reason why perhaps she didn't want to discharge me was because if anything had happened to me and i got discharged, CAMHS would have a lot of questions to answer. So i'm gutted i can't get discharged. I just don't think this service is doing me any good. She then added that she was going to get in contact with my GP and my mum about the series of events so that led to me feeling even more distressed and storming out of the session. She reminded me of the deal i made with the psychiatrist. The deal was that if i experienced any more crisis then i am at risk of being put into inpatient care.

Feeling like i had no one to turn to, i went to see my mentor and connexions worker, and i just broke down crying. They were amazing with me and got me to see a clinical psychologist which was helpful. I really do love these people and they just put a smile on my face. I really don't know what i'd do without them and i'm just glad i've got this support network.