Yesterday I had my fifth session of psychotherapy and I can't find a word which sums up how the session went. All of my previous sessions with the psychotherapist were awful but yesterday I felt as though she was trying. That's progress right? What I really appreciate is that yesterday she acknowledged that CAMHS have been messing me about. She then added that, rather than me having fortnightly sessions with her, weekly sessions is what I deserve because of how the service has been and how keen I have been about recovery. So that's a positive.
She then asked me to be honest about her and that whatever I say wont offend her. That was difficult but this was my opportunity to be completely honest with her. I told how I feel very uncomfortable talking to her and that it's very tough for me to open up my feelings to her. I then went on to speaking about how my sessions with my old psychotherapist were like and how it's very different from her sessions. Again, that's a positive because she listened to what I had to say and I was very vocal about how I felt.
Even though the session with her was positive I can't help but feel guilty that I still feel uncomfortable talking to her. She's been trying and i'm here feeling the same. My instincts telling me to end the sessions with her but at the same time i'm too scared to. I'm scared that if I end the sessions I wont have anymore support. I don't know what to do. Maybe there's something wrong with me.
No comments:
Post a Comment